boundaries I have been doing a little research on how to treat his
behavior. I don't want to hinder him from learning but he also needs to know what he can and can't do. I have never been one to put all my stuff away so he can move and not break anything. He needs to learn what he can and can't touch. And I don't expect people to put their nice things away when we come to their house. Why not learn at home and then be fine elsewhere? I also don't want his behavior to be fine when he is with other people and then HORRIBLE with me. The times I have with him is the memories I'll have of him. I don't know about anyone else but I want to remember my sweet and happy little boy. As I've already noticed in TJ's behavior he tends to be a strong willed child. He is a lot of the time laid back and a very happy baby, but there are times when he is very stubborn about things. I've been told about a book called "The Strong Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobson and have wanted to read it for some time. I've done a little research on what people have pulled from the book and one of the first things that has been said is "make sure you have one, there is a big difference between strong willed child and weak-willed parent. (click on link to see some signs) Also Dobson makes a point in his book that there is a difference between child irresponsibility and a strong willed child. For example a child knocks something off the table as an accident or just to experiment. This wouldn't necessarily be strong- willed behavior and you can't punish for something he didn't know was wrong. The strong-willed behavior comes into effect when he is told to not do something or has been taught not to do something and then does it.
Here are a few points that I saw helpful:
1. You should not blame yourself for the temperament with which your child was born. She is simply a tough kid to handle, and your task is to match her stride for stride.
2. Your strong-willed child is in greater danger because of his inclination to test the limits and scale the walls. Your utmost diligence and wisdom will be required to deal with him. You simply have to be tougher than he is, but do it without being angry and oppressive.
3. If you fail to understand his lust for power and independence, you can exhaust your resources and bog down in guilt. It will benefit no one.
4. For parents who have just begun, take charge of your baby now, hold tightly to the reins ofauthority, and quickly begin building into her an attitude of respect and obedience. You will need every
ounce of awe you can muster in coming years. Once you have established your right to lead, begin to let go of the reins systematically, year by year.
5. Don't panic, even during the storms of adolescence. They never last forever. The sun will shine again, producing, perhaps, a beautiful rainbow over your spirit. You're going to get through this.
6. A strong-willed child likes to help make decisions. When possible give your child choices. "Would you like to have a chocolate chip cookie or strawberry ice cream?" Give them projects in which they can take charge, like planning the family vacation. A strong-willed child doesn't want to control you; he just wants you to allow him some control.
7. Don't let your child stray too far from you emotionally. Stay in touch. Don't write him off, even when your every impulse is to do just that. He needs you now more than ever before.
8. Give him time to find himself, even if he appears not to be searching.
9. Most importantly, I urge you to hold your children before the Lord in fervent prayer day by day by day. Begin every morning with a prayer for wisdom and guidance.
One thing I have learned from almost a year in disciplining TJ is he doesn't react or obey if I yell at him. At his age he is just scared when I holler at him. BUT when I say his name and talk to him a stern voice he reacts to me and has a better chance of obeying. Another thing I learned this week was that a child's attention span is only as long as their age. For a few examples: TJ (11 months old) will only
pay attention to one thing for under a min, a 4 year old will only focus for 4 minutes and so on. So if TJ is misbehaving or touching something he isn't suppose to I have under a minute to discipline him.
Anything longer than that minute he won't remember even why he is getting in trouble.Tim and I have to really look at how we are disciplining him and make sure that we are both on the same page. If I
always yell at TJ and Tim doesn't do anything or leaves it up to me then that teaches inconsistent behavior . I know that I haven't been doing this very long and my child still misbehaves but I found this information very insightful and thought it would be great to share.