I go through massive emotional stages during this pregnancy. Not emotions like you are thinking…Oh she’s pregnant that’s normal. I don’t go through pregnancy ups and downs in the extremes. I try my hardest to keep my emotions in check. Now a couple of weeks ago when everything was happening with Tim and I couldn’t have emotions I got to a point where I was so tired and had gone too long with out having emotions that if you crossed me wrong I would be completely honest with you. But this isn’t what I’m talking about, I’m talking about my inside emotions and how I feel towards this pregnancy.
At one point I’ll be so excited and can hardly wait to get the house ready for another little Leckie. Can’t wait to start the list of projects I have for us to do. I’m excited to have a baby with little clothes again. Excited to have our family done and our part of our family line done. I’m excited to see TJ with a little baby. I’m overwhelmed by the thought of loving another child as much as I love my little Timothy.
Then I’m worried to the point I can’t seem to get motivated to do anything because that would make it all too real. Can I do this again? How is this baby going to do at night? Is this baby going to have gas issues like TJ did? Where am I going to put the infant toys versus the older toys? Do I need to pick all the small toys out of TJ’s toys and put all those in his room? Where is the swing, bouncy seat, or the basinet going to go? I’m a planner and the unknown or uncertainty of this all drives me to worried.
I know it will all work out, but I still have my days of being worried. I know in a few short weeks we’ll know if we are having a boy or girl and more things will be settled in my mind. I know this baby will be different but will be perfect for us. I am this child’s mom and God has chosen me for this baby. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
And to top it off I have a wonderful husband who isn’t worried by these things. We are a perfect balance. I just need to spend all my time with him and I’ll be good. Right?…ok…that sounds good.